Meeting Persephone

The thermometer grows lazier by the day, ceasing to even try reaching for the higher numbers. The windshields on the cars frost up with wet early morning kisses. And every morning the bones in my body groan and creak protesting my need for them to move.

I'm perfectly happy to stay snuggled in my warm bed all day but there are times when I do actually have to do something. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. I love the calm quiet when we all cuddle up on the bed watching movies or playing games as the world outside is in its gestation period. On the other hand, I hate the pain that I am in, even more pronounced now than in warmer months.

My neck grinds as I roll my head on the pillow to check the time and I panic a bit for fear of a recurrence of a painful episode from a few years back. My lower back squeals when I sit up and I pause for a minute or two while the spasms make their path through all of the muscles. My hips and ankles lock up as I try to get out of bed and take the first morning steps. And now my right shoulder is all but useless and completely weakened, losing at least half of its previous range of motion and about 3/4 of its previous strength. My hands freeze up in what is called a "carpal spasm" for an hour or so making it impossible to move my fingers while sharp pains shoot from my palms up through my forearms. If my knees don't give out and I don't land on the floor, I consider that to be a good start to the day.

I can deal with the other ailments and consider them to be quite minor but the bone and muscle pain that hits during the winter put me into a funk. It doesn't help at all when I speak to my grandmother and she talks endlessly of her night of dancing with her new "friend" the evening before. To feel older and more worn out than my own grandmother is really a pathetic thing. When she asks how I'm feeling and I tell her a little bit she declares that it's all because of my mother's family genes. Helpful.

So if my entries have a decidedly less perky quality to them, you'll know why. And if I'm more active online proving just how little I must be doing in the real world, now you know why. And if we happen to be speaking on Mos Maiorum (if you haven't been there, please check it out!) about a seemingly benign topic and I seem a bit more contentious than usual, now you know why. I mean no harm and generally try to keep it all in check but some days it's all very difficult to bear and I get kinda snap-ish. I have tried to keep these things quiet online as this is my opportunity to be normal, but I am recently catching myself being more testy than usual and thought it best to explain it before I say something I don't mean to someone I genuinely like and it be taken personally when that was not intended. Please remember that I always try to keep my moods to myself so nobody else will be affected but, as a human being, I sometimes fail.