My daughter has apparently settled into the idea of being an atheist. Part of this is a rebellion against me because I pulled her from Christianity into Judaism and then we left Judaism and I entered into Paganism though did not require her to join me if she didn't want to. She didn't. Not because she has anything against Paganism in general nor Druidry in particular, she just lost all interest in all things religious/spiritual and didn't care. The other part (the part not represented by rebellion) is that she just "doesn't get it" when religion comes up in conversation - with me or with her friends (all Christian of varying degrees). I assume that what she means by that is that the idea of "faith" in something makes no sense to her. It's probably greatly my own doing because I quite neatly decimated any possibility that she could ever be a Christian again through my explanations of its flaws by way of their own scripture. Now she is much more familiar with the big religions than mine but that is her own doing - she asks no questions therefore I tell her nothing. The discussion have become more tense as time has gone by. It's all ok with me and I guess I feel it has to be because I had guilt over the pull from Christianity to Judaism. This entire issue would have been much easier if I'd known where I stood earlier in her life (and my own) and had not taken her from this point to that at such an impressionable age. It's her favorite thing to hold against me still. I have few regrets about it though as she's gotten a much more broad education than every one of her friends and that's something I just can't feel guilty about. I did when she was 10, but not now that she's 15.
The most interesting thing about it to me is some experiences she's having now. She has sight and this is something that she cannot explain away scientifically and neither can I. She asks me if it's weird and all I do is shrug my shoulders. For me it's not weird at all as it's something I've always had but I've also always had a draw to the spiritual. She has tried to stifle her spiritual side and therefore is completely lost now that it's making itself known to her.
What can you say to your atheist child when they ask if these spiritual experiences are "normal"? Not if you're an atheist...? lol
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8 comments:
Just tell her that HER reality is no different now than it ever was....if Christianity was stupid it still is....if Judaism was out there, it still is.....if she is experiencing things her totally rational atheist self suddenly can't explain, well, it IS, and if she wants maybe just a smidgen of help in trying to explain what this "weird thing" is, then all she has to do is ask. We pagans do not recruit; she can damn well come to you and take or leave anything you wish to share with her.
Just make sure that she understands that we do not punish people for "not believing" or reward them for "believing". We simply trust and feel more comfortable around people who ACCEPT. What she accepts is totally up to her and her own REALITY.
We got no dogma for her.
i was so confused with this post..then i realized that she wanted to be an atheist and not an artist..i kept reading and reading trying to figure out what religion had to do with her being an artist..haha
Michael, thanks for the reply.
My hope? That these awarenesses will open her mind that not all can be explained rationally and that there is something else there to be considered. I'd love for her to explore a more spiritual understanding for herself - in her time. This is something I'll be waiting awhile for as she's not yet ready.
There is something very sterile and uninteresting to me about strict atheism. When observing the position as a parent looking at my child I see it almost as a denial or a laziness of spirit - or at least a laziness toward things spiritual. I hope that something along the way will spark an interest enough for her to pursue an understanding for herself at which time I'd feel more comfortable about offering guidance of some sort.
The rational is great when it comes to certain matters - it's essential. But there's also something to be said for the irrational. ;o)
LOL YDG! Sorry for the confusion ;o)
I think the best way to approach this is by letting her hear you and what it means to you spiritually without her saying a word and she dosnt have to say a word. Explain to her what it means on different spiritual paths but make sure she knows that she dosnt have to follow any of them at all if she dosnt want to. But be verry relaxed or you you could turn her off to the whole thing without her actually listening.
Good luck!
SeeThroughGreen,
Thanks for dropping by! Always nice when a new (?) reader makes themself known. I'll check out your blog too.
Anything regarding the spiritual is the only time she listens without saying anything! My problem is stopping my talking! lol I so seldom get uninterrupted talk-time during my time with her which becomes less frequent the older she gets. :o)
Spirituality is such a complex and personal topic, and I remmeber my teenage years alternately casting myself headlong into the born-Again Christian Revival (since I wasn't feeling true Faith) and then embracing scientific Atheism due to the lack of gut-feeling for church-going stuff. Eventually, it all worked out, and the only suggestion I have is to be there, and let your kid know you cna talk and listen on the topic, if she needs to. with my own parents, they often said that no amount of guiding effort they put forth was working, but when they simply stepped back to hold the net to catch me wherever I felt like jumping that month, it worked great.
PS: nominated you as a cool parent. I usually abhor these mass-spam award things as shallow attempts at increasing blog readership, but I liked this one, since I'm feeling decidedly parental-proud lately.
http://everthorn.net/Musing/2009/04/dad_award/?p=208
Maebius,
I've called her teen years the period of "living with a net" many times. It's her opportunity to spread her wings and try flying without the risk of really screwing things up that we adults have to deal with when we make mistakes (and unbeknownst to me when I was a kid - adults DO still make mistakes - admitting them is the problem). I'm thankful that even while she may not want to engage in these conversations with me now she always knows I'm here for her and has NO problem coming to me with all of the other assorted issues that bombard her daily in her life as a teen. I know the details of her life and her friends' lives (probably moreso than their own parents) to degrees that I never could have imagined.
And as for the award... I'm stunned! And I love pomegranates too - hence the name (sorta)! lol Thank you for thinking of me. I'll get right on that because it's a decidedly better topic than the other one I was working on. And if I'd been nominated before you, you'd have been at the top of my list because the joy you express when blogging about being a dad just shines through so beautifully in your pages.
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