That is the question of the evening - well that and why in the world do my eyes burn?
The idea of initiation in this process is more of a statement of intention to myself. To confirm that this is the path that I want to be on and will do it wholeheartedly of my own will. It's also an opportunity to formally request or invite the presence of the God/dess or Spirit into this endeavor. Is it necessary? No. I'm committed to what I'm doing and don't require this particular act to solidify anything for me. However, there is something comforting about the idea of performing something with a degree of formality too. It's a declaration to myself and also, as an invitation and a process that others in the program are undertaking, feels a bit less lonely. While I'm waiting until I have a space worthy of something so significant to me I'll have to just continue on with my studies and come back to this particular step when the dust has settled a bit. I could do it outside and that would be an ideal situation but I live in an elderly neighborhood in the buckle of the bible belt and am sure that I'd be run out of town on a rail if I were spotted. Those types of concerns are not conducive to the peace of mind needed to perform something like this and so I'll wait.
For now I'll spend a bit more time pondering why this initiation is increasingly important to me. If I had to wager a guess at this point I'd say it has something to do with the exposure to the "big" religions and the required steps taken to become a member - especially in the case of Judaism. It was a process that required effort and there was a beginning to the whole thing and then an ending, in the form of a ceremony (council, prayer, study, ritual bath, etc.) when the conversion to Judaism was finally complete. By no means do I think that an initiation will complete anything but it will mark a beginning in a sense. Something to look back on and to observe changes and hopefully growth in myself from a particular point.
There is a whirl of things in my head right now that I won't even attempt to put into font. Today was a weird one for me though those type of days seem to be decreasing in number I was still feeling pretty wonky. I'm at a loss as to why they are happening anyway but until I figure it out I'll continue lighting incense, breathing deeply, and finding ways to relax. At least I have a few positive things going on or I'd probably drive myself and everyone else crazy.
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3 comments:
you'll know when the time is right.
Wishing you a Happy Easter!
Personally, I think initiations are more for a group setting than a personal matter. While they are important for individuals to mark a point in their study/spirital Path/etc, I tend to view them as public affairs which essentially encourage the participant to mark their own progression.
Kinda like going to the gym with a friend vs alone. With others "on the same path" we get somewhat guilted into continuing it...in a good way. I suppose "guilted" should be more "encouraged", but it's a subtle line the way I think of it, and not really a negative thing.
If you feel called to Initiate yourself into a particular thing, Go for it! Trust the gut, and you'll know when/what is the right time/place for it. Don't rush it, but don't abandon that instinct either.
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