Meeting Persephone

Today I want to wish my husband "Happy Anniversary"! We've been married 16 years and anyone who's married knows that sometimes that time feels like it's flown by in a flash. Then again, there are times when I can't remember this great man being a part of my life.

He was 26 when we married. I was nearing 21. He'd been married once before. I had never had a relationship that lasted more than 6 months until him.

He proposed to me in early October 1992 and I met his family for the first time Thanksgiving weekend that year (because they lived in Colorado while we were living in Montana at the time). If you'd like to know what meeting his family was like for me - watch the movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. :o) His family's Italian, not Greek, but the atmosphere was very much the same. I was overwhelmed to say the least.

My view of marriage had little to do with the wedding. Our wedding was actually humorous in the sense that neither of us cared a great deal about the event itself. Our eyes were always on the reality of marriage and the wedding is such a tiny insignificant part of it.

We've grown up together in these 16 years. I'm sure that many people feel the same in their marriages regardless of how old they were when they married. You learn, you grow, you love more deeply than you'd ever thought possible. Life throws a multitude of things at you and together you dig in and take it head on. It's not easy to be married but it makes everything else easier to tackle when you're married to someone who is truly a partner. You mourn losses together and celebrate successes. You build a family, no matter how big or small, and watch the changes together.

For the majority of our marriage, we've been very much on our own. We've had no family around to rely on when things have gotten tough and so we've had to see ourselves through. We've made mistakes, but what's been important is learning from those mistakes and being determined to see it through to the other side. Sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes determination to make it work is the strongest thing we can hold onto.

We started out very much as opposites in every way. He was staunchly conservative and I, of course, extremely liberal. He is a Denver Bronco fan and I am an Oakland Raiders fan. He was straight laced and I am a wild child coloring outside of the lines whenever possible. He loves the chocolates in the box that I don't care for. And most importantly, and the thing that remains the same and really makes our marriage work, I love white meat and he adores dark meat. If you think that's unimportant, try eating Thanksgiving dinner in a house where everyone wants the same meat and tell me that it doesn't matter! ;o) As time has passed we've grown closer together. This is how the opposite thing has worked for us. It's given us things to argue about, laugh about, tease one another about. But it's also given each of us room to grow and opportunities to learn from each other.

The best part of being married? Being with someone who sees the perfection they married and that the seasoning of time has only enhanced the beauty you find in them. You remember their hair before it turned gray and their eyes before the wrinkles but you relish the evidence of change you've experienced with this person and those markers of the time passing. We've persevered when so many thought we never would (and probably lost money on it!). We celebrate the passing of time and the evidence of that passing instead of mourning the loss of youth. That is real beauty.

The rest you learn as you go.