Meeting Persephone

Several years ago my husband and I went on a diet. We both did well with it and lost a good deal of weight. Then, as happens more often than not, we gradually started putting weight back on. Of course I put weight on faster than he does - it's the nature of being female and add to that the plethora of health issues I deal with. He decided he wanted to do something about it this year and in an effort to be supportive (and not wanting him to look smaller than me - I still have a touch of vanity), I decided I would do it again too. And so we're taking on the dreaded "cabbage soup diet" yet again. Now before anyone gets riled - we do NOT use it for a long period of time. It's a jump start approach to kick our metabolisms in the ass and to curb certain other bad behaviors we develop over time. My husband had it approved by the doctor and now that he's gotten the thumbs up we're prepared to tackle it once again.

I guess I'm not in a big push for this thing. Last time I went through a great deal of prep work to get physically as well as mentally ready to diet. I thought it was going to improve my quality of life because it would be easier on my frame and therefore losing the excess weight would take the stress off of my body. It didn't happen that way. I dropped down to the lowest weight I'd been at since before I'd gotten pregnant with my daughter and still had tremendous pain. Maybe I didn't give it enough time - perhaps my body would have adapted and felt better if I'd stayed thinner longer. But the outcome was disappointing and then I broke my tailbone, became more depressed and immobile and pretty much gave up.

Now my husband is totally stoked for the diet. He's weighed himself, prepared the soup, we bought all of the groceries, and he dove right in. I didn't dive right in. I can't even say that I've dipped my toe and waded in up to my knees. I think I've dug my hands into the sand and my husband's dragging me by the ankles into this diet! I volunteered to do it with him but I'm not stoked. Being thinner isn't that big of a deal to me. Not that I'm happy at my weight now, but I know that losing the weight isn't going to change my quality of life for the better. I haven't weighed myself and obviously I haven't gotten into the right frame of mind. I don't think I'm doomed to "fail" on the diet - I'll lose weight on it whether I want to or not because that's the nature of the diet. My biggest problem? I have to eat on the diet. And I'll lose about 5 lbs to every 20 of his. What kinda crap is that?!?

I'm not a big eater. I know it's hard to believe that someone who weighs what I do doesn't "earn" their size, but I don't eat much. I'm a one meal a day person and while that makes sense to some people as far as weight gain goes - it doesn't make sense to me. I eat very little usually and still put on a lot of weight (apparently smelling food can cause weight gain). It's primarily due to the illnesses I deal with. I don't NOT eat because I'm trying to lose weight that way. I've learned that doesn't work for me. I just don't get hungry and I don't "graze" either. Hell, I can't even sample as I'm cooking so grazing is just a form of that and I can't do it. Once a day is as often as I get hungry. So when my husband heated up cabbage soup for lunch and wanted me to eat - I had no choice but wasn't thrilled about it.

So here I go - stuffing myself because I have to and without desire to eat, without interest in the food I have to eat, and without motivation because I'm not desperate to lose weight right now.

Wish me luck! lol

The Trash Heap has spoken...