Meeting Persephone

Did I say - in my previous post - "what a difference a day makes"? Did I really have the audacity to say that one day could change our world more than I'd imagined? Never throw something that could be taken as a dare out into the universe - it may take you up on the challenge.

Three hours passed from the time I made my last post until the time when my husband received another phone call from his sister. The lung cancer has metestatized to my mother-in-law's already overwhelmed liver. Her liver is already filled with carcinoid tumors but apparently the cancer has also found a place to settle in. Her liver is now beginning to fail from the stress of it all.

My husband spoke to his mom. It was probably the most lucid conversation she's had in weeks. I told him that I don't need to know all of the details but that I want him to remember it very well - hold onto it tightly. Then Mini Me talked to her. It bordered on impossible for both of them. Just when I think my heart can't hurt more I sit here and witness the pain on my family's faces.

Two weeks prior to all of this she'd had a PET scan and a CT scan. Everything seemed to be doing ok though not all of the lung tumors had been taken out by chemo. That was disappointing as hubby's uncle's lungs were clear for the first 1 1/2 years following each round of chemo. Unfortunately we have his case to compare to and her situation is so much more bleak than his was at this time following his initial diagnosis.

In three hours we went from playing things week by week and planning on her going to 24-hour care after a week to being told that she must be in the hospice center in 24 hours. They have now agreed to give her the weekend to come to terms with all that is happening but Monday she is to be admitted to hospice to finish out what is left of her days.

How did this happen so quickly? Her plan was to beat her brother's record and make it at least 2 years. She is now only 5 months since her diagnosis. At this rate I'm only hoping she either goes very soon or waits at least a month. My daughter and husband's birthdays are coming up shortly and I don't want them to have this hanging over their birthdays for the rest of their lives. I know that seems incredibly petty at the moment but my daughter's best friend's brother died the day before Mini Me's birthday just last year and it's already creeping up in her mind as her big day approaches. To lose her grandmother on or near her birthday may be more than she could take.

I started looking up information for liver failure and found that the cognitive loss and practical "skills" she is also losing control of may be caused by a build up of toxins from her failing liver. We may well be looking at the final week of her life.

I want her comfortable. I want her dignity honoured. I want her .... I really want her to be ok, but I know that isn't in the cards.

I will be staying behind when we make a trip to see her in the next short while. I need to pack up her apartment and try to find homes for her things. I'm dreading it but it must be done. Now is the time that we have to do it. With grandparents you let your parents do these things. Now it's our parents who are leaving us and it falls on us to take care of all of those things we didn't have to worry about before. It's impossible to think about but it has to be part of the equation.

Oddly my husband seems to be sleeping better than he has in a couple of weeks. I think he is purely exhausted from the entire thing.

We have to take Mini Me for a sports physical tomorrow and then she needs school clothes. Hubby has work things to tie up in case we need to make a mad dash to Denver. How does the world keep going when these things are happening?

This is incredibly incoherent. I apologize.

The Trash Heap has spoken.