Meeting Persephone

There are so many benefits to being intuitive. It's assisted me in so many ways throughout my life that I can't begin to name them all. But being intuitive also has it's downfalls - at least when one is pursuing Druidry in a structured way (so to speak).

The difficulty for me lay in the fact that I lead by feeling and cannot properly express how it all happens. I wait for another to explain it and say "exactly!". I don't lack vocabulary but I think I lack understanding of how it all works. It becomes more frustrating the older I get and the more I witness younger people who seem to have such a better grip on the workings of their own minds and its processes than I have. Maybe it's their Freshman Psych classes assisting in a way that I did not benefit from as I've not gone to college. I'm not sure.

So when I ponder the study of the Bard I flounder and grapple with traditional explanations of who I am, how I experience the world, and expressing those things wisely and beautifully. I just feel them. To put it into words or in song is virtually impossible for me. All I can do is live it.

Perhaps that is why I connected so much with a piece I'd found on the Druid Network called "Feral Druidry". It's an explanation of Druidry from the wild, untamed, untrained perspective. The idea that while one is so busy examining the whys and whats of being Druid, being Druid actually fails because you might not be present in the experience itself. I'm sure that it's partly a cop-out on my part that I grasped this idea and agreed with it so strongly because I already know that in the realm of expression and ability to express with the eloquence and deep understanding by others of their own experiences, I fail miserably.

I wonder if I will benefit from structured study when I know I will feel completely inept in the pursuit. I know myself well enough to know that if I don't follow some sort of a program that I will slack off and "accomplish" little in the way of recognizable (for me) progress. Does it matter? I really don't know. It matters to me in some ways and in others I feel that it might not be as relevant for me as it is for others. I can buy hundreds of books and read others' expressions of their own experiences and perhaps I assimilate some of them into my own way of thinking or maybe they really are my own understandings finally spelled out in a way that makes sense and I can be grateful that I'm not alone in my journey as one can sometimes feel as a solitary.

And so this is likely nothing more than a self-indulgent whining session. However, it's my blog and I can whine if I want to.