Meeting Persephone

I'm not sure if I'm back or not, but I've learned that there is one problem with taking a "planned" break - not knowing where to begin when you finally come back.

I don't consider this blog to be a responsibility of mine. It's my journey and I can write or not as I feel moved to do. There are some who take their blogging very seriously. They plan out themes, search for information, spell check, edit, etc. I am not one of those people. However, when things have come up that might have been "blog worthy" (if for no other reason than I should have written them down to reflect on them later), I still didn't write about them because I was on a break and couldn't form coherent thoughts about the events anyway. That was the reason for the hiatus in the first place - my own inability to form thoughts of those things I was witnessing.

So in my time away a few things happened. Our home has lost 33% of its former value making it impossible to refinance. I'd be upset about it, but I've gotten used to these sort of things in our life. The house is pretty much a shit hole and there are no signs of the situation improving so it is what it is. C'est la vie.

I got a new puppy. She's a pain in the ass and an absolute shit machine. The only thing that saves her is the fact that she's cute. My chihuahua hates the new puppy's guts and won't even look in her direction. The cat likes to torment her.

My daughter turned 16. She had a party on a Saturday that involved a skating rink. The party ended up being quite small despite the fact that she'd invited many - groundings, other obligations, work, etc. interfered with many of her friends showing up. It seemed that everyone had a great time that did show up. There was a food fight, laughing, and a great deal of sacrifice on the part of Mini Me's boyfriend to show up. She also got her long-awaited ferret that she named "Bleeker" after the character in 'Juno'.

We got home after the party. Mini Me was wired for sound and so the two of us were up until 3 a.m. talking and laughing about things. We finally got to sleep and the phone rang at 6:50 - waking everyone in the house. It was one of Mini Me's best friends. She apologized for calling so early but needed to talk to my daughter. Her brother was killed somewhere around 2:30 that morning. The next day was Mini Me's birthday. Needless to say it was a miserable situation. The roller coaster of events that followed for the next week were a torment that I wish nobody had had to go through. I cannot remember a time I've cried more and Mini Me was absolutely distraught - this being her first real loss of someone she knew well and was close to as well as the pain of a friend she could not help.

School began a week and a half before those events and it started out as a hellish year for my daughter. Mini Me's boyfriend is new to the school and being a small town/school, is the subject of a great deal of gossip. On one side we have those who hate him because he's new and it's a small "southern" style town (if you're not related to half of the town it takes time to find a niche - he is a senior so doesn't have the time left to fit in). On the other side are those girls who want to get in his pants and so their goal has been to split him and my daughter up. Typical high school crap.

What's gone on with me? Very little beyond Mini Me's goings on. Insomnia, nightmares, more anxiety attacks, attempts to get motivated, the failed refi, and general frustration with the state of the world and my own small world. I spent a great deal more time than I care to admit on Facebook finding what old friends I can remember (moving around a lot as a kid and being relatively anti-social now means there aren't many).

On the whole I'm not sure that the break has done me a lot of good - or perhaps I'm just not done "breaking" yet. My brain may have gone even softer than it was pre-break. I'm better able to form thoughts but I'm finding myself more discontented about the way things are going in the world. I'm quite certain that if I had the means I could very easily pack my bags and leave - headed for an undetermined place outside of the US - and spend my life as a hermit.

So there's the briefest catch-up I could write. Perhaps I'll try again once I decide what the first real topic should be... likely something to do with Health Care since that is the main topic lately. Nobody will like what I have to say about it, but with all of the time I've taken I have plenty of thoughts to get out of my own head.

Hope everyone else has been well - I have been reading your blogs even if I'm not saying anything here or commenting much.

The Trash Heap has spoken.